Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Parents Knew About Adoption
by Sherrie Eldridge
- I suffered a profound loss before I was adopted. You are not responsible.
- I need to be taught that I have special needs arising from adoption loss, of which I need not be ashamed.
- If I don’t grieve my loss, my ability to receive love from you and others will be hindered.
- My unresolved grief may surface in anger toward you.
- I need your help in grieving my loss. Teach me how to get in touch with my feelings about my adoption and then validate them.
- Just because I don’t talk about my birth family doesn’t mean that I don’t think about them.
- I want you to take the initiative in opening conversations about my birth family.
- I need to know the truth about my conception, birth, and family history, no matter how painful the details may be.
- I am afraid I was given away by my birth mother because I was a bad baby. I need you to help me dump my toxic shame
- I am afraid you will abandon me.
- I may appear more “whole” than I actually am. I need your help to uncover the parts of myself that I keep hidden so I can integrate all the elements of my identity.
- I need to gain a sense of personal power
- Please don’t say I look or act just like you. I need you to acknowledge and celebrate our differences.
- Let me be my own person….but don’t let me cut myself off from you.
- Please respect my privacy regarding my adoption. Don’t tell other people without my consent.
- Birthdays may be difficult for me.
- Not knowing my full medical history can be distressing at times.
- I am afraid I will be too much for you to handle.
- When I act out my fears in obnoxious ways, please hang in there with me and respond wisely.
- Even if I decide to search for my birth family, I will always want you to be my parents.
Article from the book, “Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wished Their Adoptive Parents Knew” by Sherrie Eldridge. Used with permission. Copyright © 1999 Sherrie Eldridge